(Lack of) Self Confidence/Self Worth

I have absolutely no self confidence ever so like

I’m not going to be able to work on that until after I feel like I stop owing people shit.
aka after I graduate.
i have no self confidence because I feel like any or every single thing I have done so far is because/for the benefit or someone else.
Everything I have “acheived” is because a) I have to b) it is expected of me or c) to make my mom look good. Because I was raised to believe that I am an absolute waste of a life and or space unless I have. done so.
so. yea. Until/unless I’m able to work on what *I* want to do, with no other ulterior motives in the back of my mind, until I’m able and willing to be able to concentrate on what *I* actually am interested in or want to do, untill I can separate my own desires/wants/interests from what OTHERS IMPOSE upon me, I WILL FEEL LESS THAN WORTHLESS AS AN INDIVIDUAL.
because I feel like I was born just to be a fucking robot and act/perform in a certain way just to ‘entertain’ or like… whats the word. validate someone else’s existence.
ya feel me?
my self confidence is tied to my self worth. so until/unless I feel like my life is actually MINE and WORTH SOMETHING, I will never feel self confident or worthy or any other type of shit like that.
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