Life Update – mental breakdown

I hate my life right now so much I just can’t handle everything.
I don’t know how I am or how I did.

I. don’t know where to start.

okay so. last semester i was okay right? i mean. uhm. gradewise and school wise i was handling my shit and everything well.
[besides the whole thing about my cousin almost killing me and making me mentally unstable for a whole entire month and so impacting everything else from what I’ve done since and all]

but this semester I can’t… I can’t handle what I’m doing anymore. I don’t understand any of this; I don’t know what I do know or don’t know. I am lost.. I feel as if I’m just floating my way through classes and school. and life.
I’m stressing out way too much; even when I’m deliberately trying to relax and make myself more comfortable with the fear of possible failure and just. Everything. I need to do everything so much of everything I hate that feeling that I’m so behind and that I need to catch up and I need to get better it’s making me sick to my stomach. I am sick to my stomach.
There is so much I need to do and to be able to catch up on and learn and solidify in my mind. I need to deal with everything, and that’s why I’m writing. Can’t you understand this??

I just don’t feel good… I guess I should write in this more like a journal and post more things as they come so I can see how far I get or how far I have/had come. I just can’t though.
I need so much more time.

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